It has been a long time since I've written anything. And so I am trying to get back in touch with a side of me that has been dormant for a long time now. There are a number of things to write about, but I can't seem to pinpoint anything in particular at the moment. Color! Ahh yes, that seems like an interesting subject;

Color reminds me that happiness can be cut, divided, shaped and polished until it transforms itself into a Rubik's cube. A many layered, multicolored cube which when arranged reminds me that perfection is NOT God's idea of mocking humans. And that you can make it work. Arrange all the lines and colors and shift and shape and turn and twist until it falls into place. The complex damn thing that it is, it can be perfected. And that when achieved, it can mean happiness. I need that damn camera in my hands soon. The colors, angles, shapes, sizes, images. God !
Well, this blog is just for personal writing and consequently the posts may just be random thoughts passing through my head and may not have any sense of coherence, direction or agenda.

Wow. I really thought that out.

I guess listening to music in a language you don't understand sometimes does that to you. In any case, getting back to color and the Rubik's cube.

I guess there's no way to describe color. Sometimes I wonder if blind people can understand color. How could I explain color ? The depth, intensity, composition. I guess it would have to be music. If anything, color could best be described through music. And my choice of instrument would be the violin. Vivaldi in particular.
My thoughts are too random now and there are these unpleasant thoughts that drift through my head which have nothing to do with color. Thoughts of loneliness, heartache, a frustrated plea to God. a plea begging time to turn back and hope people made different choices. I'm happy with mine. I'm not happy with their choices. But I guess that's the twisted and evil beauty of life. Choices are by nature, personal. But their effect is widespread.
Do you know how many people you've unknowingly left heartbroken ? I'm sure as hell you don't.So don't think about it and make your choices as freely as ever and let the laws of the cosmos determine their wort

The God of Sin

Like a shadow lurking in the background of your shadow, is the God of Sin. If we take God to be a supernatural force, who is omnipresent and all-knowledgeable, then yes. In that case, there will always be a God of Sin who is aware of all the sins committed on Earth and elsewhere behind every person, animal and living person possessed of an intrinsic character, a soul.

While he himself is infinitely flexible to accommodate every person and every sin and every calculation of a sin, whether or not the person committing it, feels that at the time of committing it, he has committed a sin, this flexibility is what most people confuse with compassion. That compassion which emanates as a reaction to the ‘goodness of the heart’ and the purity of thought is acknowledged, yet subtle. As William Blake once wrote, “Man’s desires are limited by his perceptions; none can desire what he has not perceived”.


As we walk and talk and live our lives, we commit sins, every day, if not in action, in perceptions. And we commit these sins because, in our perception, they are sins. And the God of Sin takes a count of the number of sins we commit. And yet, after the sin has been committed, we cajole ourselves into believing that it is not a sin since we have never engaged in it. But we know still, that we are capable of doing it.

Here is where the difference is; what is the capacity to sin in one’s own eyes? Are we fooling ourselves when we say that “Oh that’s never going to happen because of X, Y or Z.And therefore, it is not a sin?” The answer to this question of fooling oneself is known only to the God of Sin, who scoops up every sinful thought and adds it into the ledger that he keeps to keep a tally of the sins of that individual. It is when the sin is actually committed, he adds that sin to the ledger of the sins of mankind, or society as a whole. But then again, what is a sin? Is it the commission of some act that we believe to be wrong by virtue of its inherent conflict with the morality of the good and pure? Or is it the commission of an act that we believe to be wrong because of its conflict with the norms and standards set by society? Or is it the commission of an act that we believe to be wrong without engaging in further thought to determine the reason why we believe it to be wrong? Psychologists across the globe have argued vociferously for the neutrality of moral character and that flexibility of movement with social change be accorded to standards of morality. I don’t know the answer to that. But what I do know is this;

That people often think of doing things that they would condemn had someone else done the same to them. Everybody, in their own minds, paint a portrait of themselves as a certain person and most of their actions are directed at completing that portrait that carries a prescriptive normative character, i.e. to do those things that they feel will best further the character of themselves that they have drawn in their heads. And here is where the inherent danger in mankind becomes apparent, for nobody knows what the portrait originally was. Not even the painter of the portrait. And thus, it is impossible for anybody to know whether they are defined by anything, whether there are any values, principles that are necessary for the creation of that character.

It is in times of extreme stress, intoxication or anger that the mental portrait becomes blurred. Like a gentle drizzle falling down slowly on a freshly painted portrait, blurring the images, colours and edges. Waiting for the artist to come and re-define those edges, and bring it back and or change the portrait, ever so slightly. But it rains, and the character starts slipping and losing the unchanging character of a well defined solid painting. It is in those times, that we all seek God. The God of Sin. And we seek his compassion. And ask him not to add those thoughts to the ledger. Because that is when we realize that the God of Sin is trailing us in our shadow and we perceive his existence, the commission of our sins, both inside our heads and outside. And that is when the doors of perception are opened up to the notion of sin.

And we hope against hope that it is okay to think certain thoughts, although we believe those thoughts to be wrong. And hope that the God of Sin will turn his compassionate eye on us, and not count them in the tally since we assure him that we have another mental portrait of ourselves in our minds that will not permit us to engage in the commission of these sins. And we believe that. Until a day comes when rain falls on the portrait and we don’t know who the hell we are anymore. And then, it slowly terrorizes us first that we don’t know what we are defined by. And then, we ignore it for a while believing that it is not important for us to be defined by anything in particular. And then we accept that we actually are not defined by anything and hope that in the future, we can raise our children in a world where people are defined by something, albeit with a heavy heart, we are prepared to tell our children not to be disappointed if they find it otherwise.

The never ending question of morality ends here.